Are You in the Same Room as Your Children?
How frequently do you give your children your undivided attention? Being totally present with our children is one of the best gifts we can offer them. This may be a difficult task at times.
Working full time as a counselor, writing books, and going on book tours while raising my three children was a full-time job for me. I also spent time with my spouse. My children needed "time alone" with me in order for me to be totally present. With each of my children, "time alone" was a regular opportunity for me to spend meaningful time with them while we went about our daily routines. There were no phone calls or home chores to deal with during this period. It was a period of time set aside only for them, during which no other thoughts crossed my mind.
When you don't spend quality time with your children, you're sending the idea that they aren't important. While it may be tempting to answer the phone or get things done rather than spend time with your children, doing so sends the message that they are less essential than you believe.
When I was a child, my mother was always occupied with her work. She never had the time to sit down and have a conversation with me. Nothing about how I was feeling or how school was going was ever of interest to her. She was too busy to spend time with me, whether it was to play or simply talk. I didn't believe her when she claimed she loved me and that I was essential to her. When it comes to conveying a message, there is no substitute for action.
If you don't spend time with your children, they won't feel loved by you. If you don't spend time with your children, they won't feel loved by you. A person will not feel loved and valued if you don't make an effort to spend time with them, no matter how many items you purchase or how frequently you tell them that you love them.
In the absence of your undivided attention, your children will seek it out in a variety of ways. In an effort to retain your attention, they may go on and on. Fighting with one another, refusing to listen to you or going into resistance when it comes to housework, schoolwork, hygiene and sleep are all examples of how they could behave. Negative attention is preferable to no attention for many youngsters, who find it preferable to being ignored. To make matters worse, the more they misbehave, the less you want to spend time with them in a caring and attentive manner, which might lead to even more misbehavior.
Consider what it's like to have someone offer you their undivided attention. Isn't it a fantastic feeling? How frequently do you get someone's undivided attention? How often do you really feel heard and listened to? Sadly, many individuals are so focused on being heard and listened to that they fail to listen to and hear themselves.
Your children will benefit much from your simple presence with them. Numerous of my clients have told me about the lasting impact that a friend or relative's genuine interest in what they had to say, even if it was only on rare occasions, had on them.
Give your children a tremendous gift by being totally present with them and showing them your love, sympathy, and empathy while also engaging them with your sense of humor and fun. Every day, even if it's just for half an hour, you have the opportunity to fully appreciate them.
They mature so quickly. Don't miss out on this once in a lifetime opportunity.